A Breakup Letter from Every California Real Estate Investor
Dear Traditional Mortgage Lender,
We need to talk. This isn't working anymore.
It's not you—wait, actually, it is you. It's definitely you.
Remember when you promised competitive rates and a "streamlined process"? I believed you. I was young, naive, and thought 45 days was "quick." Those were simpler times, when sellers actually responded to contingent offers without laughing.
The Warning Signs Were There
I should have known when you asked for my tax returns from 2019. Then 2018. Then you wanted a letter explaining why I deposited $500 from my mom for my birthday. In 2017.
"Just one more document," you said. So many times I started a drinking game. I'm now in rehab. Thanks for that.
You Never Changed
The market moved to hyperspeed. You're still operating like it's 1987.
While properties receive 15 offers in 48 hours, you're verifying that my middle name is really my middle name.
That fourplex in Long Beach? Gone while you were "reviewing my file." The strip mall in Riverside? Sold during your "final underwriting."
That perfect 1031 replacement property? My exchange deadline doesn't care about your document checklist.
Your estimated closing dates are like astrology predictions—vague, optimistic, and usually wrong. "End of the month" apparently means "any month, possibly this year, Mercury permitting."
I've Found Someone New
Their name is Capital Direct Funding, and they treat me right.
When I call, they answer. When I need funds, they deliver. Seven to ten days from application to funding. They don't care about birthday money from mom or require DNA samples to prove my identity.
More expensive? Sure. But so is losing deals. That fourplex I lost appreciated $200,000 in 18 months. Your "competitive rate" cost me a fortune.
Capital Direct Funding understands that opportunity has an expiration date. In California's market, "waiting for traditional financing" is like "waiting for disco to come back"—technically possible but practically pointless.
Final Words
Traditional Lender, you'll always have a special place in my filing cabinet—the folder labeled "Never Again."
You're perfect for buyers with stable W-2 income and the patience of a Buddhist monk. But for investors building wealth in competitive markets? We need someone who can keep up.
Sincerely (but not sadly),
Every California Real Estate Investor
P.S. — Capital Direct Funding doesn't know my mom's maiden name, and we're closing tomorrow. Imagine that.
Ready to Break Up with Your Traditional Lender?
Capital Direct Funding specializes in bridge loans for California investors who can't afford to wait.
Close in 7-10 days, not 60
Asset-based lending—your deal matters more than your tax returns
Direct answers from people who actually call back
Stop losing deals. Start closing them.